


Accidents Happen

by The Red Squirrel (Just_a_Fangirl)



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Accidental Confession, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Reddie, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-20 03:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11912244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_a_Fangirl/pseuds/The%20Red%20Squirrel
Summary: For Eddie, the confession had been an accident. He hadn't actually even said anything, but what he didn't say spoke louder than words. And for Richie, everything that happened after was an accident. He hadn't meant to let himself like Eddie back, but he was powerless to stop it.





	1. The First Accident

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written based on the book, but it can also fit the movie version as there are no real details from the main story. It's set in the summer following the Losers' Club defeat of Pennywise, and their memories of that time have now faded almost completely, so it's not mentioned at all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first accident was Eddies (although he was pretty sure it was all Richie's fault somehow).

Richie had just finished pretending to propose to Bev for the second time that week (it was only Wednesday) when she announced that she had to be going home.

‘No, m’lday! Stay!’ Richie cried dramatically, kneeling before her with his arms oustretched. ‘Am I moving too fast? We can slow it down down – maybe we could date for a year first before jumping right into the engagement?’

Bev rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah, because spending _more_ time with you would solve the problem,’ she laughed. ‘No, I really have to go, I told you guys earlier I could only hang out for a bit. See you later!’

She headed off down the beaten track they had made through the gnarled bracken that surrounded this particular nook of theirs in the Barrens, leaving Richie and Eddie alone.

Bill and Mike would be coming along soon – they had gone on a snack run when they realised Ben wasn’t going to show up today with his usual sackful of goodies – but for a while, at least, Richie and Eddie had the place to themselves. Richie sat on the dusty sun-dried earth, flipping aimlessly through some comics, and Eddie himself was perched on a tree stump that he had covered in Richie’s jacket, so as not to get dirt on the seat of his trousers.

They had stumbled across this little space in the Barrens a couple of weeks ago, a fallen tree taking up most of what could be a nice little clearing. Richie had remarked how, if they removed the dead tree and cleaned the stump up a bit, it would make a great seat for Eddie’s prissy ass. They had decided to do just that, more out of boredom than anything else. They managed to haul the tree up against the bushes and then Ben had dutifully got to work with his hatchet, turning the old trunk into a bench and the stump into a little seat. Eddie would never admit out loud that he was grateful for Richie’s idea, since he knew it had been made to tease him—it wasn’t like he was _that_ fussy about dirt, he just didn’t want to get his clothes dirty or his mom would have a bird—but the fact was, he sat on the stump every chance he could, unless Stan was having a particularly prissy day himself.

Eddie had some comics, too, but he couldn’t focus on them. He snapped his _Little Lulu_ shut with a decisive clap of his hands and scowled down at Richie, lying on the ground below him.

‘Stop flirting with Bev,’ he said suddenly, surprising himself with the bitterness in his voice.

Richie turned to him, eyes wide. ‘What?’ he asked, genuinely confused.

So was Eddie for a moment, and then he remembered what he had been going to say – the reason why he didn’t like Richie flirting with Bev, or so he thought at the time.

‘It makes her uncomfortable,’ he clarified. ‘She always moves away from you or just ups and leaves completely when you start declaring your undying love for her. Get a clue.’

Eddie looked away with a frown on his face, as if he were too exasperated with Richie's immaturity to even look at him. He should have known this was a mistake because Richie just _loved_ his grumpy face.

‘Aw, Eds, I didn’t realise you were the jealous type!’ he leered.

‘I am NOT—’

The words died in his throat when Richie jumped up and leant right into his face— _as close as you’d be if you were going to kiss someone_ , Eddie thought randomly—his hands resting on the tree stump on either side of Eddie’s thighs, trapping him in.

‘Do you just want me to flirt with you alone, is that it?’

‘ _No_!’

Eddie didn’t realise it was a lie until the word was out.

And then all of a sudden he _did_ realise. That was _exactly_ what he wanted.

He didn’t like it when Richie flirted with Bev or Bill or the others – which he did a lot, to be perfectly honest. He knew he shouldn’t be mad about it: it was just a joke, that’s just how Richie was. Flirting was only one arm of his monstrously vast sense of humour. It didn’t mean anything.

And that wasn’t the problem – that it didn’t _mean_ anything. He didn’t necessarily want Richie to _do_ anything with him or even to like him back. He just felt bad when Richie said nice things to the others like he’d sometimes say to Eddie, even if none of it meant anything with the others either. Even if it was a joke, it still felt nice to hear those things from Richie. And when he just said those things so casually to other people, too, it made Eddie feel…

He wouldn’t let himself give the feeling a name. It was too ridiculous. Too sudden.

 _Oh God, what’s wrong with me?_ Eddie screamed at himself. _I don’t want Richie to do anything, but I want him to only pay attention to me. That’s not fair on him, and it doesn’t even make any sense. If you like someone, aren’t you supposed to want them to do something about it?_

If you _like_ someone…

It all crashed down on Eddie in the space of five seconds, not perfectly coherent at the time, but it would become so that night as he lay wide awake in bed and churned everything over in his mind.

And at that moment in the Barrens, he might have gotten away with his outspoken lie and all of this might have been safely locked away inside his head, never to be revealed...if only Eddie hadn’t looked away, his wide eyes unable to meet his Richie’s smug, teasing blue gaze.

But he did. It was an accident, a nervous reflex, he hadn't meant to turn away and make it so obvious - but he coudn't help it.

And it was on the third of those five long, unbelievable seconds that Richie saw all this. Saw the other boy’s eyes widen, saw Eddie look away, saw the first mist of a red blush creeping up his neck from beneath his shirt.

And it was on the fourth of those five seconds that Richie Tozier realised what that meant. His mouth fell open, but he was momentarily, for once in his life, completely speechless.

On the fifth second, Eddie snapped back to reality, surfacing from the tidal wave of thoughts that, it turned out, had been there all along.

‘I have to go,’ he exclaimed, taking advantage of Richie’s shock to push his way out of the cage of the other boy’s arms. He grabbed his inhaler from the floor, but left everything else – his coat, his comics, his handkerchief – and raced off through the underbrush, without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was writing this, I could hear my dad watching the TV downstairs, and I heard my first advert for 'It'! I’ve only seen stuff on Youtube before because I went to seek it out myself, but now it has filtered into the real world. I felt so at peace with the universe I had to take a deep breath and just let it out in a big content sigh. How can the sound of a horror movie advert on the TV in another room make me feel so complete?!


	2. The Second Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second accident was Richie's - but he blamed it all on Eddie.

Richie hadn’t ever considered the possibility that anyone might like him. Not yet, anyway. He was sure that one day when he got rid of his God awful glasses he’d have girls lining up around the block – just like he was sure he’d be rich and famous when he grew up, too.

But someone liking him _now_? He couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose in confusion when he thought about it. He didn’t _feel_ very likeable. He didn’t exactly hate himself, but still, he knew what he was like. He knew that better than anyone. Sure, girls would like him when he grew up and got handsome, but someone liking him for _him_? That was a bit of a novel idea.

And on top of that it was _Eddie_! Eddie who was usually so sensible! Richie actually felt bad on his behalf – he was sure Eddie had had no say in this little turn of events, and Richie wished Eddie could like someone better, for the poor kid’s own sake.

Not that Richie wasn’t interested in the prospect of kissing-and-stuff. He’d been interested in that for quite a while, actually, and he thought that if it had been anyone else, he would have jumped at a chance to use a willing volunteer to get in some practice and find out what all that was really like.

But it was—unbelievable as it still seemed, even after a week— _Eddie Kaspbrak_ , and Richie wasn’t going to do kissing-and-stuff with Eddie, even if Eddie wanted to. If Bev had admitted she liked him, his reaction would have been the same _._ _They were the_ _Losers_ , for God’s sake! His _best friends_. And Richie wasn’t going to be the idiot who thought he was good enough for any of them. His friends deserved the best, their “soulmates”—he’d heard the word before and didn’t think much of it, but if such a thing existed he wanted it for his fellow Losers—and Richie knew that couldn’t be him, because he could never be perfect for anyone, let alone Eddie or Bev or any of the others, who were the greatest people on God’s green Earth. He’d always be a loser-y screwball, even if he lost his glasses and got handsome and became rich and famous.

And that was why Richie had never let himself get a crush on Eddie Kaspbrak—or any of the other Losers for that matter—even if he didn’t really mind the idea at all.

He just wouldn’t let it happen. That was all there was to it.

...At least, that _had_ been all there was to it, until that surreal, accidental half-confession last week. Since then, Richie had started to have some _weird_ thoughts about the whole situation – although he was pretty sure it was just the nature of the thing. If someone said they liked you (or inadvertently admitted it, the way Eddie had done) you were bound to start thinking of them a bit differently, and question how you felt about them.

But no, he wouldn’t like Eddie Kaspbrak—couldn’t, _didn’t!_ —despite how much he had begun to question this fact over the past few days.

Like on Thursday, when Richie noticed that Eddie didn’t show up in the Barrens the day after that weird moment between them. I mean, it was understandable, but it still kind of hurt when Eddie didn’t come down at all that day. Didn’t Eddie want to see him anymore? If you liked someone, didn’t you want to be around them, even if they made you kind of embarrassed and self-conscious? It sure worked that way for Ben, who was always eager to see Bev even though the idea of being around her seemed to terrify him just as much as it enthralled him. And it sort of worked that way for Richie, too: he was embarrassed to be around Eddie right now, after everything that had happened but...he still wanted to see him.

Or like Saturday morning, when Richie glanced over at Eddie’s entire collection of _Plastic Man_ comics that were now sitting in his room. He felt a tingly warmth course through him when he realised that Eddie had lent them to Richie despite the fact that _everyone_ knew you weren’t supposed to lend anything you cared about to Richie Tozier. He would just lose it in his messy room, forget it in a park, get it confiscated at school or accidentally ruin it if he got overexcited. But Richie hadn’t lost or ruined any of Eddie’s comics. They were stacked neatly in a pile on his desk, the only hint of order in his whole room. He had been very careful with them without really noticing, or wondering why. He couldn’t remember why Eddie had lent him his _Plastic Man_ comics in the first place. He just knew they were Eddie’s favourites, and he had dutifully read them because…well, he hadn’t really thought about it at the time. But looking back on it, Richie thought he’d just wanted to share in this thing that Eddie cared about. (He spent all of that Saturday reading them again, barely moving for hours, just flipping from page to page and wondering how Eddie had felt when he read them himself.)

Or, most tellingly, like Tuesday afternoon, when he and Bill were stashing Silver under the bridge and heading down into the Barrens.

‘Hey, R-R-Richie, did y-you and Eddie have a f-f-f-ight or s-s-homething?’ His stutter hadn’t been too bad recently, as he’d been in speech therapy for some time now, but he always had more trouble when he was worried or nervous about what he had to say.

Richie looked at Bill, startled.

‘What? No! Why?’

Bill looked away and shrugged. ‘J-J-J-Just seems like I n-n-never see you g-guys in the s-same place at the same t-time anymore.’

‘I only haven’t seen him in five days, Big Bill,’ Richie said, defensively, as if Bill were accusing _him_ of being the one to neglect Eddie and not the other way around. ‘No big deal.’

He knew full well that it was, though. Normally he didn’t go three days without seeing all the other Losers at least once, and he usually saw Eddie every day.

Bill glanced back at Richie with a guilty look on his face. Richie didn’t like that look.

‘What?’ Richie demanded, feeling more hurt than he knew he needed to be. (It made _sense_ for Eddie to want some space, for God’s sake! He’d told himself that a thousand times over the past few days.) ‘Did he say something about me?’

‘I asked if he w-w-anted to come d-down today and he looked puh-puh-pretty scared.’

 _Scared_ , Richie mouthed silently. And then said, without even intending to, ‘When did you see Eddie?’

‘We were hanging out y-yesterday,’ Bill said casually, as if it were nothing. Hanging out with Eddie wasn’t even a big deal to him, but Richie didn’t even get to do it anymore – that felt a bit unfair.

‘Where was this?’ Richie found himself pressing, unable to stop himself even though he was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear any more. It felt suspiciously like a knife twisting in his heart at every new detail.

‘In his a-a-attic. But we’d b-been to the movies before that.’

Richie’s blood boiled suddenly and painfully – not just in that _normal_ painful way, like when you scrape your knee, but a sickly, sadly painful way like... like in a way Richie hadn’t experienced before.

 _Does Eddie like Bill better than me?_ a voice inside him asked. It was a small voice, one he almost missed, but those seven words began to echo around his mind until they were all he could hear, a crescendo of doubt. _Does that mean he doesn’t like me like that anymore?_

 _They’re best friends, you moron!_ another voice inside him argued back loudly, before he could pursue that line of thought and wonder why the idea of Eddie not liking him anymore made his heart shrivel painfully. _It’s totally normal for them to go to the movies together! It doesn’t mean anything!_

 _...Well, only if they weren’t alone_ , the original voice said.

‘Who else was there?’

‘Just m-me and Eddie.’

 _Oh,_ hell _no_ , Richie thought, giving in to his outrage because it seemed better than the devastation that was lurking underneath. _You do_ not _just go to the movies with some guy when you were supposed to have a crush on someone else!_

It was the first, and only, time he would ever think of Big Bill as ‘some guy.’ Under any other circumstances, he would have understood completely and instantly. Bill Denbrough was better than him in every way—he was the best person in the world, most likely—so the idea of anyone liking him made perfect sense.

And it still made sense if it was Eddie – Richie just didn’t like it.

Not one bit.

Richie was forced to realise that he may have accidentally let himself think too much about the prospect of Eddie Kaspbrak’s feelings for him over the past six days, because it seemed to have become a very important part of his life. And now that it might be torn away from him he was finding that he wasn’t quite willing to let it go.

Even though he should be. God knew he wasn’t good enough for Eddie Kaspbrak, who was kind, and brave, and funny, and sensible, and sweet, and patient, and cute. _Let him like Bill now, that’s what best_ , he should have thought. But he couldn’t.

God help him, he had let himself realise that he liked Eddie right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richie is, in my opinion, the most insecure and self-conscious of all the Losers. So once he realises his feelings for Eddie, I think he would be pretty worried and jealous of Eddie's love and admiration for Bill. The book has a lot of moments between the two that could be read as romantic (at least on Eddie's part), and Richie would have been seen all of this. I mean, as a fandom, we all KNOW that the true pairing is Reddie - but RICHIE doesn't know that. (Yet.) So I think at first, he would be very insecure about where he stands with Eddie, and always be comparing himself to Bill.


	3. The Happy Accidents

It was now Wednesday, a full week since Eddie Kaspbrak had, most recklessly, turned Richie’s life upside down and then run away. And Eddie was still avoiding him.

Richie kind of suspected that Eddie had been hiding out at home this whole time, unless he was specifically invited over to one of the Losers’ houses (he knew the others had all seen him at various points over the past seven days). But Richie didn’t want to ambush Eddie at home, that would probably terrify the poor kid. (Plus, Richie was scared of doing something so bold – not that he would admit that to himself.)

He also didn’t really want to be underhanded and trick Eddie into seeing him, although the idea had crossed his mind. He could just ask Eddie’s _favourite_ , the amazing _Big Bill—_ boy, did he hate himself for the way he sneered when he said that name in his head these days—to get Eddie to come down to the Barrens and not tell him Richie would be there waiting. But first off, he didn’t want to give Bill any excuses to talk to Eddie. And secondly, Bill would never do something so devious himself. Richie may be jealous of him right now, but he still admired Bill immensely, and whenever he was in a jam the question ' _What would Bill do?_ ’ would always pop into his head (even if he didn’t usually follow its advice).

Annoyingly, he thought that Bill would probably face his fears head on if he were in this situation, but Richie wasn’t really keen on that. So his first step would be to see if things resolved themselves naturally.

So Richie decided to spend all day down in the Barrens, which, ordinarily, would have been a standard way to spend a summer day. But when Stan asked him round for lunch, Richie said no. And when Mike asked if he wanted to go help him pick out some records, Richie had to turn him down. He wanted to be there in case Eddie showed up.

The others came and went as usual, and he wasn’t often alone. But sometimes he was, and still Richie stayed there, patiently waiting, patiently hoping that Eddie would appear through the trees at long last. It had been a week after all, he couldn’t hide forever. At some point, he would have to stop avoiding all the places he thought Richie might be.

But then Thursday and Friday came and went, too, and Eddie never showed. And Richie decided that it was time for drastic measures. So it was time to ask himself, ' _What would Bill do?_ ' Go with the underhanded method and trick Eddie into seeing him, or tackle things head on? Richie knew the answer in a heartbeat, and although he didn’t like it, he decided to take the advice this time.

It only occurred to him as he was standing there on the front doorstep of the Kaspbrak residence, finger pressed down on the doorbell—already tolling inside—that Eddie may have told his mom he didn’t want to see Richie anymore. It was already bad enough talking to Mrs. Kaspbrak when Eddie was on his side, but what if Eddie had asked her to turn him away if he ever showed up again? There was no going up against Sonia Kaspbrak—even Big Bill had never managed that much—so Richie would be forced to lure Eddie outside and ambush him down in the Barrens or something. He didn’t like the idea, it felt a little predatory, and if he was trying to get back in Eddie’s good graces that probably wasn’t the way to go about it.

He wasn’t sure he’d exactly fallen _out_ of Eddie’s favour, but that was one of the reasons why he was here.

_Does Eddie still like me?_ he wanted to know _. Did he even mean what he said in the first place?_ was another. And _ME OR BILL?_ was one he particularly wanted to scream – but obviously, that would _definitely_ not score him any points with Eddie.

One step at a time. And in the right order would be good. First things first: did Eddie mean what he said last week?

All this had time to rush through Richie’s head before Mrs. Kaspbrak made it to the front door. She scowled down at him, her face shiny in the summer heat.

‘What do you want?’ she asked, as if being rude was a test she set him on purpose: if his resolve wasn’t strong enough, it might be enough to turn him away.

‘I’m here to see Eddie, ma’am,’ he said, surprising himself with how meek he sounded.

Although it must have been more of a shock to Sonia Kaspbrak, because she actually threw her head back in surprise, her eyes wide.

Richie fully expected her to reply with a victorious smile and a smug ‘Eddie doesn’t want to see you.’ His heart plummeted down of its own accord – but then it lurched back up into his throat when Sonia Kasprak just huffed indignantly and begrudgingly stepped aside. This was her normal response to finding Richie on the doorstep, so it seemed Eddie hadn’t forbidden him entrance after all.

Out of pure habit, Richie raced up the stairs and burst into Eddie’s room without bothering to knock. On the plus side, it didn’t give him any time to overthink this. But he really could have done with that few extra seconds to ask himself ' _What would Bill do?',_ because now he was standing in front of an open-mouthed Eddie, without any filter of forethought to stop his damn trashmouth running away with itself.

‘Who do you like better: me or Bill?’

Eddie fumbled for the aspirator on his bedside table. He didn’t answer for a minute or so as he triggered a deep blast, and debated a second. He chose not to, and lowered the aspirator, but kept it clutched in his fist, squeezing the cool plastic tight.

‘Ex _cuse_ me?’ he exclaimed, finally.

Richie clutched his head with both hands. ‘I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. I just meant...well, yeah, actually, I kind of want to know. Me or Bill?’

‘I don’t want to see you right now!’ Eddie declared, surprisingly forcefully, standing up from his bed where he’d been reading comics and storming towards Richie. He grabbed his open bedroom door with one hand, blocking Richie from getting any further into the room, obviously very keen on seeing this intruder out and closing the door behind him.

‘No, Eddie, I’m sorry! I just want to talk, okay?’

‘Well, I don’t.’

It was Richie’s turn to huff indignantly.

‘Seriously, Eddie? May I remind you that I haven’t done anything wrong?’

‘Says you!’ Eddie snapped. 'This is all _your_ fault!'

‘ _Me_?! What did _I_ do?’ Richie cried, honestly confused. ‘Look, can I just come in so we can talk about this?’

‘No! Leave me alone!’

A new voice boomed out from behind Richie’s shoulder. ‘Eddie, what’s wrong?!’

Richie let out a shrill scream and leapt away from the voice, right into Eddie. He clutched at the shorter boy for dear life, and Eddie would have been amused if not for the fact that having Richie in his arms was shortcircuiting his brain a little bit right now.

‘I heard shouting,’ Sonia Kaspbrak said, looming large in the doorway. She was a big woman, but could be as silent as a stalking cat when it suited her, and she did enjoy creeping up on Eddie and his friends when they were in his room.

‘It’s nothing, Ma,’ Eddie said. He realised he had grabbed Richie’s arms automatically when the idiot lunged at him, and he dropped them quickly, shoving Richie away gently enough that his mother didn’t notice, but enough that Richie did and took the hint to step away. ‘Richie just told me he crashed his bike and needs me to fix it, but he won’t pay me for my help.’

Mrs Kaspbrak furrowed her brow suspiciously at Richie.

‘Eddie...do you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?’ she said slowly, still looking sternly at Richie.

Richie’s eyebrow arched in bewilderment. _What the hell was going on here?_

‘ _No, Ma_ ,’ Eddie groaned, sounding particularly exasperated by this – only adding to the mystery.

‘Well…’ Mrs Kaspbrak conceded with a frown, still glaring at Richie. She kept her eyes locked on him as she turned to leave, and didn’t let go until she was out of sight down the hall.

Eddie grabbed his aspirator from the floor where he’d dropped it, and took a heaving breath of the sour HydrOx mist.

‘But you don’t _like_ peanut butter and jelly,’ Richie said.

‘It’s a code,’ Eddie admitted, obviously embarrassed. He fiddled with the aspirator, keeping his eyes down as he turned it over and over in his hands. ‘She came up with it in case any of you guys ever came round and tried to “peer pressure” me into going out or doing something and I didn’t want to. If I use the code she’ll kick you out for me. I think she’s still hoping I’ll give you guys up some day.’

Richie nodded, thoughtfully. ‘You didn’t use the code on me.’ He hadn’t realised the implications of this until the words were out. It made his heart pound wonderfully.

‘I guess not.’

There was a long pause. Richie was back where he started in the doorway, and Eddie was still blocking him.

‘Why are we fighting?’ Richie asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Eddie admitted, looking up finally. He looked exhausted. ‘I’m just...confused.’

Richie grinned, wryly. Boy, if Eddie thought he was getting any sympathy from Richie, he was sorely mistaken. _He_ was the one who actually started all this!

‘You and me both, Eds. Can I come in now?’

Eddie glared at him, and Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick glasses.

‘Don’t call me Eds, Richie. Not today,’ Eddie warned.

Richie nodded vehemently, and Eddie at last huffed and stepped aside, reminding Richie eerily of Mrs Kaspbrak.

Richie took a seat on the bed, sitting cross-legged and getting his dirty sneakers on Eddie’s neat sheets. This was all as per usual, so his host didn’t even bother to complain. Eddie distanced himself strategically in the chair at his desk. It was an old swivel chair, and he span it idly from side to side as silence settled over the them.

‘So…’ Richie began. He realised he didn’t know where to start and alarm bells instantly began blaring in his head: _don’t say it don’t say it don’t say_ _it_ ‘Who do you like better, me or Bill?’

Eddie favoured him with one of his most long-suffering withering looks. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

‘It’s just... _Bill’s_ your favourite, everyone knows that,’ Richie said, looking down to try and hide the pain he knew must be written on his face. ‘You love him the most, I can tell. So I don’t get why you said what you said about me last week if there’s someone else you like more.’

‘I didn’t actually _say_ anything about you last week,’ Eddie retorted.

‘Yeah, well, I heard you loud and clear, anyway. Call me a genius, I don’t know.’ Richie said, waving a hand dismissively in the air. Eddie grimaced, actually shrinking away a bit. He seemed to have been caught out, the truth uncovered despite not having to say anything out loud – despite barely even being aware of the secret himself. It made it so much harder to hide that it almost wasn’t worth trying to hide it anymore…

‘I just don’t understand how you can like me more than Bill when you obviously _don’t_ like me more than Bill,’ Richie pressed on.

He looked up finally, with such sincere and desperate confusion on his face that Eddie just gave up. Maybe it was time to get this over with, for Richie’s sake if not his own.

He reached for his aspirator and took another, pre-emptive blast.

‘I _don’t_ like you more than Bill,’ Eddie agreed, looking stern. ‘You’re both my best friends, and the others, too. I like you all the same.’

Eddie watched as Richie’s face went through some strange changes then. His eyes widened and it would have been imperceptible, really – except that they were magnified by his thick glasses. Then he seemed to just kind of slump slowly, sinking into himself like a balloon that is slowly losing all its air. Eddie didn’t stop to think what it all might mean because he could only focus on saying what he had to say to get this all over with.

‘I just...like you in a different way, as well,’ he added quietly.

There was a moment’s pause, and then something seemed to stir inside Richie again, filling him with a bit of life once more. ‘What different way?’

Eddie wasn’t won over by the wide-eyed, hopeful look on his face. It was too innocent for Richie Tozier and he didn’t believe it for a second. ‘You know what I mean,’ he said. ‘You’re a "genius", remember?’

‘So...to be clear…you like both me and Bill as friends, but you also like me in another secret special way that must not be named. So that means you like Bill one way, and me _two_ ways!’

Eddie watched as Richie’s face grew brighter and brighter as he spoke, working his way through the facts that obviously seemed to be adding up to something he found highly amusing, judging by the wide smile on his face.

‘I don’t get why this is a competition.’

‘Oh, it’s not,’ Richie agreed, nodding. ‘If Bill were in it, I’d have no chance. That’s why I just want to be sure.’

‘Why do you have to be _sure_?’ Eddie snapped, throwing his hands in the air. ‘Why have you come here and pestered me into saying stupid things just so you can be “sure” about something that makes you so sick.’

‘Eddie!’ Richie exclaimed, looking scandalised. It was kind of funny – it was almost the look he would have put on when doing his Southern Belle Voice, pretending to be shocked and appalled at the Losers’ bad language. ‘It didn’t make me _sick_! It made me _happy_!’

Eddie blinked stupidly at him for a few seconds. His hand went slowly to his aspirator sitting in his lap again.

‘Happy?’ It came out little more than a choked breath, as if saying it aloud properly would have shattered its truth, and Richie would burst out laughing and say ' _Just kidding! It’s disgusting and I never want to see you again._ '

Richie could read these thoughts all over Eddie’s face – almost word for word. Eddie was always worrying about some impossible scenario or another. But Richie wouldn’t let him waste his time concerned about this one.

He reached out and grabbed the arms of the swivel chair, pulling it and its occupant towards him.

‘I also like you two ways,’ he said.

Eddie didn’t know what to make of this. Should he be giddy? Relieved? It didn’t feel _bad_ —not by a long shot—but he didn’t exactly feel like throwing himself into Richie’s arms and kissing or anything. It was still Richie, they were still best friends, and he still hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. It was still confusing as hell.

But...it felt good, too.

‘I thought you must hate me.’

‘Well, I don’t know where you came up with that idea but it wasn’t from me,’ Richie said, brushing off the idea so easily that Eddie was a little encouraged, despite himself. ‘You didn’t really give me a chance to have a reaction that day in the Barrens, and then you hid from me for a whole nine days, so how could you know how I felt?’

Eddie winced in embarrassment and shame. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, quietly, and Richie could tell he must really mean it if he was admitting it so freely – through all their friendly bickering, they didn’t usually apologise like that to each other. ‘I guess I just...assumed you would hate me. Like everyone else will. I didn’t even question it because I was…so scared and it was just...so _sudden_! I mean, I hadn’t even realised I liked you until...suddenly I did. So I ran. The whole thing just took me kind of by surprise. It was an accident, I swear.’

‘But a happy one, though, right?’ Richie said, and the smile in his voice was enough to make Eddie look up and face him again.

‘But…’ Eddie persisted, still struggling to wrap his head around all this, ‘if you’re happy about it then why did you come here all confused?’

‘Well, because you wouldn’t talk to _me_ but you’ll talk to Bill, and I know how close you guys are and I thought—’

Eddie had to interrupt at this, he was so weirded out and disturbed by anyone thinking he had a crush on Bill. It was like someone thinking he had a crush on his brother.

‘I don’t like Bill! For the last time! I like _you_ , all right?’ Eddie exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. They landed on the arms of his chair, right on top of Richie’s hands.

He looked down at them, slightly fascinated by the touch of their hands, as all of a sudden some very obvious thoughts finally began to occur to him.

_I like Richie and Richie likes me. It was an accident but that’s how it is now and we’re both kind of okay with it. We could touch hands all we want..._

And then some other, much more troubling thoughts rushed in on Eddie, like a speeding car heading straight towards him.

_These are gay thoughts, Eddie. That’s what this is, that's what you_ are _. But you can’t, Eddie, you can’t, don’t you dare, Eddie, don’t you dare—_

He hadn’t realised he was having an asthma attack until Richie was triggering his aspirator for him, hovering over his chair and muttering soothingly over and over while Eddie swam back through the pain and panic.

‘I know it’s scary but we can think about that later, okay?’ Richie was saying, when Eddie could focus in on him again. ‘You’re allowed to have your own reaction first. You get to think however you want to think about this, and that matters, too. I know you’re worried about your mom and everything but right now...I just want to know what _you_ think. Can you tell me, Eddie? Can you hear me?’

‘I hear you,’ he croaked. He wasn’t sure if it was because of his asthma or because he thought he might cry. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms and took a moment to breathe easy again.

‘Do you mean it?’ he asked, eventually.

‘Mean what?’

‘We can worry about the bad stuff later? Together?’

Richie laughed, relief flooding through him and making him weak at the knees. He hadn’t been sure what Eddie would say when he came to. For a moment, he had thought the world outside might win, and Eddie would tell him it was over before it even began.

‘Sure, Eds-uh, Eddie,’ he corrected himself quickly. ‘We can talk about it all you want. I don’t want you worrying about it alone. It’s not your fault this happened, and it’s not even your problem – it’s everyone stupid else’s. Besides, what if thinking about it gives you another asthma attack and you’re on your own?’

Eddie reached up and held on to Richie’s wrist which still hovered near his face, holding the aspirator at the ready in case Eddie should start thinking too much and panic again.

‘Okay. I’m okay.’ He looked up and smiled, though he was sure it must be pretty feeble, he was still a bit dizzy from that semi-blackout. ‘Thanks, Richie.’

Whatever he looked like, it did something to Richie, because his face looked dazed and he sat down hard on the bed again, eyes never leaving Eddie’s.

‘I’m okay with it,’ Eddie said.

‘Huh?’

‘You asked what I think: I’m okay with it. I actually think I’m kind of happy. It would be better if...’ He trailed off, not knowing how to say it without risking another panic attack, but Richie nodded in understanding. _It would be better if we weren’t both boys._ ‘But if I didn’t have to worry about that...I’d be really happy.’

Richie stared at him, and Eddie stared back. They were silent for a while, but it wasn’t heavy and oppressing. Eddie actually felt quite light, knowing that although he had a deep, dark secret now, there was someone who understood and accepted him anyway. Someone who maybe even liked him more because of it.

‘Should we kiss, do you think?’

‘Beep beep, Richie,’ said Eddie, blushing scarlet and spinning his chair around to face the other way. Richie grabbed the arm of the swivel chair before Eddie could turn his back on him completely, and dragged it back round.

‘Just a little one?’ he said, just about getting away without sounding like he was begging. ‘We’ve both had a shitty start to all this romance stuff, I think we’re owed one of the good bits now.’

Eddie knew he should be scoffing and rolling his eyes, as he usually did when Richie suggested something ridiculous. But somehow his body wouldn’t quite follow its usual routine.

Maybe that was because this particular suggestion didn’t sound so ridiculous right now. This whole time, Eddie had honestly never thought about kissing Richie – but the moment Richie suggested it himself, it sounded...kind of amazing.

Eddie looked sideways at the wall, his cheeks growing redder still. His silence was obviously all the encouragement Richie needed, because he leant in boldly, a gleam in his eyes.

‘Not in my _bedroom_!’ Eddie screamed, horrified, shoving Richie away so hard that he almost fell off the bed.

‘What? Why not?!’ Richie exclaimed, looking and feeling completely robbed.

‘I don’t want to kiss you _here_! That’s... _weird_! I have to sleep in here!’

‘What the hell are you talking about?!’

‘Every time I’m in here I’ll remember what we did, and…’

By some divine luck, he realised the dangers of what he was saying before he could finish his thought aloud. What he _wanted_ to say was that every time he was in his room he’d just be picturing kissing Richie on his bed, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep ever again. On an average day, it would make him nervous and embarrassed – and on a bad day, it would make him scared and panicked enough for an asthma attack. (And if, perhaps, there were good days, when thinking about it made him feel too giddy to sleep, well, that was fine but Richie didn’t need to know.)

The problem was, _he_ knew what he meant, but he also knew how Richie would take it, and could picture the smug grin pulling up one side of Richie’s mouth as he leered ‘ _So thoughts of kissing me will be keeping you up all night, is that it, Eds?_ '

‘I just think we should find a neutral place for that kind of thing,’ Eddie said, slowly and calmly, trying to cut through his own whirling thoughts and appear at least vaguely in control of himself.

Richie gave him an incredulous look, but that was all, and Eddie couldn’t help but marvel at this. _Wow,_ he thought, _Richie must really want to kiss me if he isn’t even making fun of me for something like that…_

An electric heat shot through Eddie’s veins at this thought, and the shock must have jolted his brain because he burst out with ‘The attic?’

‘Above the garage?’ Richie clarified, looking still a bit bewildered, but sitting up hopefully.

Eddie nodded.

Richie nodded back.

And then, feeling slightly as if they were dreaming, they left the room together and headed to Eddie’s attic, not saying a word.

To be honest, Eddie would have preferred to find somewhere that was even _more_ neutral ground than this. The Losers came here often when they weren’t in the Barrens—Mrs Kaspbrak was too wide to get up the stairs easily, so they could hang out in peace without the risk of a parent popping in on them unannounced—so his garage attic still felt like a place where he and Richie were meant to be just friends. He wanted a place where they _weren’t_ best friends, where they were just Richie and Eddie, two guys who liked each other, so maybe kissing wouldn’t seem so weird and scary.

But, to be even more honest, Eddie just really wanted to try kissing Richie right now, so he wasn’t going to waste time looking for somewhere better.

Richie sat down on the hard floor, staring resolutely in front of him, and Eddie joined him. They stayed that way in complete silence for so long that finally Richie was brave enough to turn to Eddie just to cut the awkward tension.

Eddie jumped and flinched when he felt Richie turn towards him, and Richie hated that his friend had to feel afraid of this.

‘Um, we don’t have to, if you don’t want to,’ he offered.

‘No,’ said Eddie, quietly, and Richie felt his heart wither and drop like a dead flower petal.

‘Oh. Okay.’

The wilt in his voice made Eddie look up in confusion, and when he saw the hurt on Richie’s face his anxiety was swept aside in his need to reassure his friend. He quickly turned to face Richie properly, sitting up a bit straighter to show he meant it, that he would go through with this.

‘No, I mean I don’t _not_ want to,’ he clarified.

Richie’s face scrunched up in confusion. ‘What?’

Eddie sought desperately for the words in his brain, but found none that could help him explain himself properly. So instead, he grabbed Richie’s face and leant in. That seemed a good enough way to show what he meant.

Richie thought that the moment had come, and closed his eyes. But nothing happened, and then nothing happened, and then nothing happened, and then he eased his eyes open again to see what the problem was. Eddie was frozen, wide eyes staring at him from a few inches away, unable to go any further.

Richie didn’t hold it against him. It was a big deal, and it wasn’t like _he_ felt brave enough to make a proper move, either.

He leant forwards until his forehead rested on Eddie’s, their faces so close now that they had to close their eyes to keep from going dizzy and cross-eyed.

‘How come you’re not scared?’ Eddie asked. It wasn’t a whisper but a normal voice—like this was a normal conversation in a normal situation—and the way his casual tone cut through the tense silence of the attic made Richie laugh long and hard, his forehead shaking against Eddie’s until Eddie couldn’t help but giggle back at the ridiculousness of it.

Richie just felt relieved. If Eddie could sound so normal, if they could still just be the same old Richie and Eddie in a moment like this, maybe it didn’t actually have to be so scary, after all.

‘I am scared,’ Richie said, casually, not lowering his own voice, either. ‘But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to go with it. It sucks that we’re both boys, but I kind of don’t care. I’m just really happy. It feels good to like you so much, Eds.’

‘Don’t call me—’

And because Eddie was acting so normal, it somehow made it easier for Richie to tilt his head and close that last inch to press their lips together.

It lasted barely a second, only really long enough for them to register that it was happening at all – but that was all it took to make them feel like their hearts had taken flight.

Richie and Eddie pulled away with matching grins, so neither of them had to feel embarrassed. They smiled at each other for a few, dopey, lovestruck seconds.

Then Eddie suddenly seemed to come back to himself and whacked Richie on the arm.

‘Don’t _call_ me that!’

Richie laughed and rolled over onto his back, clutching his arm and feigning great pain. Eddie scoffed, and Richie taunted, and it was surprisingly easy to start chatting and joking like normal. They didn't need to mention the kiss. It was enough to take it into their hearts like a comforting reminder, to be able to glance at each other and know it was still there – that option, here in Eddie’s attic, whenever they wanted.

But for now, one kiss was enough. They were still young, still best friends first, and they decided to go spend the afternoon down in the Barrens with the others, to leave the attic and head outside without a care in the world.

Because it really didn’t have to be big and scary. At least not all the time. There was no escaping the rest of the world, they both knew that. But they were brave, too, and neither of them was going to give up what they’d discovered today, not for all the world. Richie wasn’t going to let it ruin _every_ moment between them, and Eddie decided Richie was right – he _was_ allowed to have his own feelings about all this. And he felt that they deserved to like each other like normal people, because that’s what they were.

And up in the privacy of Eddie’s attic, that’s what they could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue which is too short to need it’s own chapter:   
> Bill, Eddie and Richie are reading comics in Eddie’s attic. Bill says he has to get home for dinner, and Eddie (being a good host) goes downstairs to see him out. Richie puts down his comic, wondering if Eddie will want to kiss and stuff now that it’s just the two of them in the attic. He doesn’t want to suggest it himself, in case Eddie hadn’t even been thinking about it - he may just want to hang out as friends. But Eddie comes back up the stairs and says “I thought he’d NEVER leave!” Then he heads straight over to Richie and kisses him. And Richie realises he doesn’t have to be jealous of Bill anymore.  
> The end.
> 
> This fic was basically meant to be an excuse for me to use the phrase “Trampmouth Tozier” when Eddie is jealous of Richie flirting with other people. But I forgot to put that in chapter one, and then it didn’t really fit anywhere else. Oops.


End file.
